


Heartbeat

by JaneSkylark



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-25 02:26:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16188155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneSkylark/pseuds/JaneSkylark
Summary: HP: AU James reflects on fatherhood. One-shot.





	Heartbeat

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!

It’s quiet in the early hours of morning. Godric’s Hollow is still. The sleepy street is still sleeping and James Potter is in love for the second time in his life.

He’s rocking back and forth slowly with the small bundle in his arms. Harry is sleeping. His dark lashes are pressed up against his pale cheeks and every so often his eyelids twitch from a dream. James doesn’t know what a baby would dream about but he knows what he dreams about or what he dreamt about. It’s come true. In this quiet, still moment he realizes it.

He was the only child of elderly parents. They were kind and loving but they were gone now. Years had passed since he had last seen them, spoken to them, held them. He found it difficult to think of them now. Longed for them tremendously, knew how much they would love Lily and Harry. He had so many questions he wanted to ask them. He knew that everything he was feeling they would have just the right answer for. They would be able to chase all of his monsters away just like parents were able to.

Holding Harry now was his realization how his new family was coming to fruition. This young family that he is the head of. He hadn’t realized how much he had longed for it all this time. Lily was the first piece and then Harry came. There would be more. He smiled and leaned down to kiss Harry’s head. He brushed his dark hair lightly.

He understands what it means now, being a parent. To have a child is like having your heart running around outside of your body. The feeling to protect Harry at all costs is overwhelming. His breath catches as the weight of his emotions overtake him for a moment and he takes a few deep breaths before the feelings subside. This certainty that if it were him or Harry then he would lay down there and sacrifice it all. There is no question of it. His love, this bond is that strong. It’s not like anything he has known before and he can’t quite put words to it.

As they all prepared for this new season of life it was all laughter and jokes. Jokes from Sirius about how if they had a girl James would be chasing off boys for the rest of his days. Or jokes from Remus about if it were a boy he better pray he had Lily’s smarts to keep out of mischief. They told endless jokes, all of them. James envisioned how easy parenthood would be for him. How prepared Lily and himself were already. He boasted of it to their friends while Lily would hold his hand telling him that it was okay to be nervous. He would just laugh.

He should have prepared his heart more. He just hadn’t understood how it would change. How before he couldn’t imagine wanting to stay up all hours just to watch a baby sleep but now he could. How he couldn’t imagine that something so small would become the absolute center of his world and how everything would revolve it but now he could. He didn’t understand how the future would both terrify him and enthrall him but now he could. His thoughts overtaken by what kind of boy Harry would be. Would he be rambunctious and cunning or maybe kind and quiet? Would he be magical? And, where would that lead him? Would he make the right kinds of friends? James wanted to be Harry’s best friend but would Harry want that? And what of adulthood? What kind of man would Harry become? Would he play quidditch? Work in the ministry? He hopes Harry will be good, believes that he will be.

He hopes that he’ll be good too. That he’ll be a good father. It’s his biggest fear. He hasn’t told anyone. Not Lily, not his friends. He struggles with the responsibility that weighs on him. He thought he was ready that he was so prepared but what if he messes it up? What if he doesn’t know how to be a father? What if Harry doesn’t like him? James doesn’t realize it yet but he already is one. Having those fears makes him a good father.

Harry has been restless most of the night but finally succumbed to sleep. His mouth forms a small smile and his chest rises and falls slowly. He breathes slowly in and out. James just watches the rise and fall of his chest. Harry’s heart beating steadily with the rhythm of the rocking. James rests his hand on Harry’s chest feeling the small heartbeats. He counts them one, two, three, four…

He reflects on earlier that day and visits with their friends. How when he thought Sirius had jostled Harry too much he was there to quickly intervene but Lily just laughed and assured everyone that Harry was fine. She had taken to motherhood so well. Had known exactly what to do from the start. She knew the right way to hold Harry, the right way to nurse him and always seemed to know what Harry needed before he fussed. She was so confident as a mother. He continues to fall more in love with her.

He’s been trying to make sure that Lily gets enough rest so that she has everything she needs. He tries to anticipate her needs the way that she is able to with Harry. He feels like they’re connected now more than before. Something he wouldn’t have thought possible months ago. Thought there was no way he could love her anymore than he already did but he does.

They’re connected now, all three of them. Lily taking care of Harry, him taking care of her and they are all connected together by a string that runs along to each of their hearts. Their heartbeats syncing and beating as one. One beat, one family, never to be separated.


End file.
